


Stay With Me; Don't Let Me Go

by Itch



Series: Sabriel One Shots [20]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, sad at the beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 10:14:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5159969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itch/pseuds/Itch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Ashes of Eden - Breaking Benjamin</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay With Me; Don't Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Trustyourdragons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trustyourdragons/gifts).



Sam pursed his lips at the stained glass window above him. It was a myriad of colours, shades of pink, yellow and blue that all complimented the other. The white light that shone through it cast coloured hues on to the stone floor, altar, and first few pews. He regarded the ornate cross that hung just below it, ivy leaves wrapped around it, immortalised in metal.  He was faithful, wasn’t he? He was. He prayed to Gabriel every day. He’d prayed to angels, to God even during the worst parts of his life, even during the times in his life where most people would have given up, would have turned around and said ‘Nope, how can there be a benevolent spirit up there?’. The worst part was that Sam knew the end was coming. He knew it. He couldn’t fight anymore. Not without Gabriel. He needed him.

 

 He couldn’t keep up the lie, the lie that he didn’t miss the cocky bastard because he did. He remembered back, back to when Gabriel first cupped his jaw and kissed him, both of them melting into each other’s touch, as if a muscle was being untensed that neither had even noticed was tense.

 

  He missed the way Gabriel’s hands had ghosted over his skin as if he was going to break him, the soft thump of clothes as they hit the floor and the breathy noises Gabriel made as Sam realised he could touch him, that he wouldn’t hurt Gabriel.

 

 He even missed the way he’d panicked afterwards, apologising to Gabriel, telling him everyone he ever got close to died and he couldn’t have that happen to Gabriel, he couldn’t be the one responsible for his death.

 

 He remembered every morning when sunlight had streamed through the crack in the curtain and Gabriel had grumbled something that probably wasn’t even English, rolling over and shoving his face under the pillow. He had Sam beside him make a similar noise and a familiar weight rested over his waist, tucking round to his stomach, and he would feel himself be dragged across the bed into Sam’s arms like a teddy bear. Gabriel would out a weak protest as Sam held him. Sam was always cuddliest when he was sleepy, whether it was 7am,midday, or 10pm.

 “G’morning.” Sam would mumble, nosing at Gabriel’s hair, inhaling the coconut scent of his shampoo. Gabriel often tipped his head back slightly and made a noise back that was meant to resemble a greeting. Gabriel was not a morning person. He wiggled in Sam’s grip a little, slotting himself more comfortably against the larger man and Sam chuckled, thumb tracing circles on Gabe’s bare stomach.

 

And he’d remembered his soul.

 The demon blood.

 Lucifer’s true vessel.

 He wasn’t worthy.

 

_“I’m not worthy of this!” he shouted at Gabriel, hands in fists in his own hair, towering about the angel who looked heartbroken. “I can see my soul, and I am not worthy.” hot tears slid down his cheeks as he saw some on Gabriel’s face too. This was where Sam was wrong. Because Gabriel could see his soul too. And he was thinking the same time. He wasn’t worthy of Sam’s purity, goodness, the lack of selfishness that nearly got him killed time and time again. “You need to leave. Before - before I hurt you.”_

_“Is this - Sam - no - baby -” he held his hands out to Sam, pleading him._

_“Don’t make me draw an angel repelling sigil.” Gabriel stopped. He knew that Sam was serious about that. A flutter of wings and Gabriel was gone, a golden feather curling to the floor where he had stood; a calling card. Sam followed it, knees crashing to the floor as a broken sob ripped through him. Gabriel was gone._

 

“Are you with me Gabe?” he whispered, staring at his hands, the golden feather in his palm. “cause-” he stopped again, taking in a ragged breath. “If you are, I can’t hear you.” he dropped his head, forehead thudding on the pew. “Are you with me? I can’t feel you Gabriel. I feel like you’ve gone… and I just… I wanted to say something. That I’m sorry. Stay with me Gabriel. I - please, don’t give up on me, don’t let me go.” he tore his gaze from the feather, moving it to the small silver band still wrapped around his right middle finger, a gift from Gabriel. No, it wasn’t an engagement present but it was similar. “Because without you… there’s nothing left for me. Nothing at all. Dean - he has Cas. I don’t have anyone. And he doesn’t need me. Please just - stay. Don’t let go.” He stood up, leaving the church, not seeing as the weak white sunlight melded into a pale gold.

 

He didn’t go ‘home’. Nothing was home without Gabriel. Nowhere felt safe and warm without the embrace of his archangel awaiting him. He looked up at the sky, the dusk settling in. Soon it’d be nighttime, the darkness would swaddle him, air so thin he couldn’t breathe. And the light at the other end would grab his shirt, dragging him toward it, with desperate unbreaking will. Maybe the light was Gabriel. He could hear voice as well, ghosts. _Tainted. Boy King. Vesel. My vessel. Boy with the Demon Blood. Soulless. Tainted._

_Mine._

 

Sam closed his eyes. Nothing left to be afraid of. He peered up at the sky, tears in his eyes, a silent call for his angel. _I’m still calling for you Gabriel. No matter how much you might be trying to ignore me up there. I’m still calling._

 

Dreams. Gabriel in front of Sam, hands held out to him.

 “You’re here. Are - are you with me?” Sam stammered, and Gabriel nodded, but no words came out. “I can’t - I can’t hear you.” the Gabriel in front of him shimmered, and he grabbed at his shirt, pulling him closer. “Gabriel, are you with me - I can’t - why can’t I feel you?” he pressed his hand to Gabriel’s cheek. He wasn’t there. Why would he be there? Sam wasn't worthy of the love of an archangel.

 

Sam woke up, tears on his face. He wiped them away angrily. What was the point in crying. Crying wouldn't bring Gabriel back.

 “Hey kiddo.” he sat up faster than ever, spotting Gabriel standing in the corner of the room, hands in his pockets. Sam flung himself at the angel, hands twisting in his jacket. face burying in the coconut scent hair.

 “Gabriel.” he breathed, lifting him by the thighs and clutching him tighter with a sob. “Stay with me. Don’t - don’t let me go. Cause - fuck, Gabriel, there is nothing left of me when you’re not here, just, please, stay.” Gabriel nodded as they kissed, desperate and messy, the unique taste of the other almost drowned out by the salty taste of tears but neither minded. Gabriel didn’t mind as Sam fell onto the bed, him in his lap, face pressed in the crook between Gabriel’s neck and shoulder as he sobbed, hands in the fabric on Gabriel’s back, refusing to let him go. Gabriel was back.

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr: synergygabriel / whodoesntlovesabriel


End file.
